41 weeks is all the time it took for me to grow a human. To me, that is a pretty impressive feat in such a relatively short amount of time. Last week, on July 9, Crosby was exactly 41 weeks old. That means he has now been living and breathing here on the outside for longer than it took me to form him on the inside.
While I certainly don't miss pregnancy, I do miss having him with me everywhere I went. Knowing that he was safe and that where I'd go, he'd go, provided a sense of comfort. I remember sitting pregnant at my desk at work and feeling him kick kick kick. I would think about how soon there would be a time that I would be sitting at that desk working and my baby would miles away, being looked after by someone else and not right there with me. I tried not to think about it, tried to just be grateful that he was healthy, I was having a healthy pregnancy and not to worry about the coming days when we would be separate.
Before Crosby, I never knew the weight that motherhood carried with it. Heck, I didn't even have a clue as I carried him around with me those 41 weeks. But the gravity that comes with being a momma is so immense, it grabs your heart, fills your cup with a joy that overflows, a love that weighs you down and is deeper than any ocean. It’s the purest feeling, a swelling in your soul that is inexplicable. And I never even knew it existed. I never understood the weight. Until him.
Crozzie Bear, I am lucky to know you, lucky to share this portion of our lives together, lucky to be your Momma. I loved those 41 weeks of you growing under my heart and I have grown more and more in love with you the past 41 weeks since your birth. I am regularly brought to tears, overwhelmed by the amount of love and I grasp for courage everyday and wisdom to be the momma you so much deserve. Motherhood, with all it's weight, has been by far the most amazing transformation. It's changed me forever. For good.
Love,
Carmen
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