We have a Crawler!

Well, we have an army crawler. Still a big milestone!

This happened last week:

Poor Zoe looked on in absolute horror as he inched closer and closer to the dog dishes. I didn't think to get my camera out until he was already at his destination. Then, as he gleefully tossed kibble into the water bowl, Zoe looked at me as if to say, aren't you going to do something about this! 

I sent Lance one of the pictures because he had already left for work. His reply: Our life is about to drastically change! And then the next day, back crawling towards the bowl. He hadn't forgotten his accomplishment from the day before.

Crosby is getting big and gaining more independence. I am grateful for all the milestones. So thankful that he is growing and thriving. But I sometimes find myself wishing I could keep him my little baby. Time is speeding up, and as I go off to work daily and miss out on things, I think of how cruel that can be. I pray for him everyday, especially as I'm rocking him before naps and during bops, when he nestles his little head into my neck, warm and near-sleeping in my arms and smelling his baby smell. How I love those moments! I pray for Lance and I, too. That God would help me be a good mother and give us the wisdom we so badly need to overcome our short-comings and failures. I want to be the kind of parents he deserves.

Love,

Carmen

Crosby @ 9 Months

Dear Crozzie Bear:

Happy 9 months, baby.

{This was not the most cooperative morning for pictures!}

You are definitely not my tiny little baby anymore. We are beginning to see more and more of your little personality and I think its pretty great. You are opinionated and loud but that just reminds me of your Pappy. You are also so sweet and snuggley. You still love to be held and rocked. And I love your hugs and kisses.

You aren't crawling yet but for a non-mobile baby, you really get around and seem to be into everything. Your fine motor skills amaze me everyday. You want to touch, hold, and feel (and taste!) everything. You love to pick stuff up and then throw it down, again and again. When you are looking at something new for the first time, you study it so inquisitively, I can literally see you trying to figure whatever it is out and how it works. 

You are still eating good. New foods this month include roast chicken, yogurt, peaches and summer squash. Banana is still your all time favorite with avocado right behind it.

You had your first case of the sickies this month and I don't know who was more upset about it, you or us. I learned that almost nothing is more pitiful than a sick baby. After about a week, you were back to your old self and I am very relieved.

You are so friendly and engaging with people. But you do get separation anxiety and Momma needs to be in your sights or you get really upset. The other night I was washing your bottles out at the kitchen sink and you were playing on the rug under my feet. You wanted me to hold you and were clinging to my legs, hollering at me. If I walk past where you are playing, you cry if I don't stop and pick you up. I love how you need me. Just so you know, I need you too.

You "talk" all the time and we love your little baby voice. You started saying "Momma" on Mother's Day but now have "Dada" down too.

Every month with you has been a gift, and every stage has been both challenging and wonderful. But this age, so far, is my very favorite. We are enjoying every minute of our life with you!

Love,

Momma and Daddy

Little Mr. Magic & Baby Daddy

Every girl says it, but I'm going to say it again: watching Lance love and take care of our baby is one of the most attractive things he'll ever do. These boys of mine have a special relationship. This is my tribute to that bond. Happy Father's day to my Baby Daddy.

{Adapted from Little Miss Magic by Jimmy Buffet}

Constantly amazed by the blades of the fan on the ceiling

The clever little glances he gives me can't help but be appealing

He loves to ride into town with the top down

Feel that warm breeze on his gentle skin

He is my next of kin

I see a little more of me everyday

I catch a little more of me turning gray

Your mother is still the only woman for me

Little Mr. Magic, what you gonna be?

 

I catch him dreamin and wonder where that little mind meanders

Is he strollin along the shore or cruisin over the broad savannah

I know someday he'll learn to make up his own rhymes

Someday he's gonna learn how to fly

Oh that I wont deny

I catch a little more dialogue comin my way

I see those big blue eyes just start to lookin astray

Your mother is still the only woman for me

Little Mr. Magic, what you gonna be?

 

Little Mr. Magic, what you gonna be?

Little Mr. Crosby, just you wait and see!

Love,

Carmen

Two Years

June 9, 2012.

I didn't think it was possible, but I love him more today than I did on that day two years ago. Love isn't easy. In fact, it's something that you have to work hard at, or it could so easily slip away. But it's worth it.

Balance. Isn't that the best way to approach life? Lance and I balance each other out. Lance is the calm to my storm. God knew what He was doing when He put him in my life.

I don't know what I would do without him.

This past year and half has been hard. Stressful.

When I'm down and ready to give up, he always pulls me back in.

Lance, I love you more than I can explain. And even if I could, you wouldn't want me to write about it on here. :) 

There is truly no one I would rather be on this road with than you.

Happy Anniversary.

Love,

-Carmen

On Having a Baby with CF

I'm writing today to link up with Kelly's Korner Show Us Your Life series, and this week is for parents of special needs kids. My hope is to provide folks with more information on Cystic Fibrosis and our personal journey.

My son Crosby is currently 8 months old and was diagnosed when he was 15 days old, through routine infant screening. I started The Crosby Show blog to keep our friends and family informed about our journey with CF. 

I've written a lot about CF specifically and generally and here are some key posts:

A Bad Word

An Orphan Disease

CF Facts

Genetics of CF

To see all my posts on CF, just click the Cystic Fibrosis label at the end of this post.

I will be honest and admit that when we first received Crosby's diagnosis, I did not want to talk with other people who have a child with CF. CF is a spectrum disease and not everyone looks the same. I was terrified of learning about other families because I didn't want their situation to broaden my own fears. I wanted to follow our own road and not project someone else's experiences onto our future. I also needed time to digest the new reality we were facing. Time to accept that Crosby's CF was permanent and mourning the loss of having a "perfect child" took some time.

Now that some time has passed and Lance & I have gotten involved with our local chapter of the CF Foundation, I feel much more comfortable.

Being a parent of a CF baby has its challenges. I recently read a wonderful article about special needs mommas and it really tugged at my heart. The author writes:

When children come face to face with the Goliaths of disease — cancer, heart defects, cystic fibrosis, brain injuries and many more — it’s their mothers who gather the stones that this small child will use to fight the fearsome foe. We often revere the doctors who take care of these little ones, and it’s true, they are heroes. They make the stones so that we have weapons with which to go into battle. But often, there is a forgotten hero: the mother who gathers each and every stone, places it into tiny hands, and stands by while her baby takes his best shot.

Mothers who take care of children with serious diseases don’t have the same luxuries that the rest of us have. Every parent carries the nagging fears: What if something happens to my child? Will I be able to give my child all the things they need to help them live a happy, healthy life? How can I help them realize their full potential? And perhaps it all comes back to this question: Am I enough? Am I enough to give my child what she needs?

You can read the entire article here: 
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2014/05/remember-mothers-sick-children.html

I don't know what Crosby's CF will eventually look like, just like I don't know what the future holds for us in any aspect of our life. I do know that life with Crosby is going to be a great adventure. A wild ride that I am so happy I get to be a part of. And yes, I'll do everything in my power to get those stones in his little hands.

If anyone has any questions or would like to contact me, please email me at sanderscarmen@hotmail.com.

Love,

Carmen

Memorial Day

My dad served in Vietnam. He actually volunteered to go. Dad believed in the United States as the greatest country on earth...a country worth sacrificing his youth, worth dying for if necessary. 

Dad made it back from Vietnam but it forever changed him, haunted him.

I honor his service and his life, as I do the service, the lives — and the sacrifices — of all our Armed Forces, the men and women who guarantee our freedom.

There is a quote at the Arlington Cemetery by Randolph Harrison McKim that reads:

"Not for fame or reward, not for place or for rank, not lured by ambition or goaded by necessity, but in simple obedience to duty as they understood it."

And I think that deserves our respect.

We had a wonderful Memorial Day. The Veteran's cemetery where Dad is buried places flags at all the graves for the day. It's so beautiful and reverent. Perfect.

Baby's First 5K

It's not a big secret that Lance and I like to run. Well, I like to run and I like to drag Lance along with me :) Lance likes the results he gets out of running, i.e. the ability to eat and drink whatever he wants because he burns the calories.

Running for me is therapeutic. It's my anti-depressant. It's my time to clear my mind. It's time with Lance, time to talk to each other and focus with no distractions. We literally planned our entire wedding during runs. 

Fitting in runs these days is more difficult. We can't just take off when the fancy hits, unless we each run alone, which for Lance, that would never happen. Our BOB Stroller has come to our rescue. Crosby digs the BOB and totally enjoys riding along. We can run as a family now. I don't have to spend time away from Crosby and Lance and I can get our runs in together.

We haven't ran a race since the 2013 Little Rock Marathon. I think that's the longest I've gone in 10 years without doing some sort of 5K, ect. When I discovered that the Riverfest Rock-n-Stroll allowed strollers, I knew we had to sign up to get back in the game.

Daddy and Crosby hanging out while Momma finds the shoe chip timers.

Pre-race action.

Lots of costumes. These dudes didn't appreciate it when I hollered, "you ladies look fabulous!" Ha. 

No race anxiety here.

Lining up.

And look who provided all the water! CAW! Yay for clean water. You're welcome central Arkansas.

Nary a drop of sweat, post-race.

Momma woke him up to get in the car. He said, "did I win?"

Crosby did great. He loved checking out all the people. He fell asleep with one mile to go!

It was really HOT but we had a pretty good time. 26:38 on my app. 

Baby's First 5K.

The first of many!

Race action. This was probably close to the 2.5 mile.

Love,

Carmen